Diet Advice

If You’re a Gay Man, You’re Probably Going About Weight Loss All Wrong

By Ted KallmyerUpdated April 28, 2024
coach ted age 51

Coach Ted at 51

In my experience as a gay nutritional coach and working with a lot of gay men as well as interacting with 100s of gay men in the community, Many gay men are not good to their bodies when it comes to losing weight and trying to look sexier.

I’ve seen some gay men practically starve themselves, avoid carbs like the plague, and even live mostly on vodka, lime, and soda.

I too, many years ago, in my attempts to look good in a speedo ventured down the road of Keto, skipping meals, SlimFast, and other diet fads. While I did lose some weight, I always felt guilty about eating this or that and it was hard to function in social settings that involved food. I also had trouble adding muscle since I didn’t understand how important the right nutrition (which I’ll explain in a moment, so keep reading!) is and no it’s not just a matter of eating a lot of protein and nothing else like many gay men think.

More about my personal story

This is a picture of me in my early 30s and a picture of me in at 51.

It was so hard to find a picture of me from back then with my shirt off. I was in the closet, trapped in a religion that taught me to hate myself, afraid to be my true self, and had no idea how to get the body I wanted. I wasn’t confident and would never think of even owning a speedo. Back then, I remember skipping meals because I thought that was the best way to lose fat.

I eventually came out with the help and support of people who loved me, kissed that old-time religion goodbye, and learned to celebrate who I am.

However, the diet conundrum continued as a newly out gay man, I wanted to put myself out there and look sexy. This is when I tried low carb and many other short-term methods. Over 10 years ago, I began writing about and researching flexible dieting and putting that method of teaching moderation into practice as well as eventually creating the Macro Solution System. My life was changed forever.

Fast forward 17 years, I’m in the best shape of my life, a proud gay man 🌈 , married to an amazing man, and I own at least 8 speedos! I eat carbs and all the foods but I understand the right balance for my body and goals. I workout in the right way too. I’m good to my body and accept my imperfections.

I wish I could go back and coach that guy on the left as it would have made his journey a lot easier. I can’t go back, but I can help other gay men get the body they dream of but in a healthy and sustainable way.

Here’s why those diet fads don’t work long-term

In gay culture, there are a few main events each year that gay men want to look their best for.  The biggest is gay pride and the other ones are winter vacations to places like Mexico or a gay cruise.

A few months before said events, gay men start “dieting”. In my experience, most gay men do extreme things like cut out all the carbs and almost starve themselves to accomplish this goal. The problem is that while they may lose weight temporarily, they get to the event and go crazy with carbs via cocktails and other carb-dense foods and spend most of the event or vacation feeling pretty bloated and lousy. Then the event is over and it’s back to regular eating. The weight slowly comes back on only to be even in a worse spot before the next gay event on the calendar.

This cycle of losing weight, regaining weight, and losing that weight again, over and over is pretty hard on the body. What’s worse, as gay men age, it gets harder to lose and they start gaining back more weight during each gain cycle. What worked in your 20s no longer works in your 30s+ which leaves older gay men feeling stuck, unattractive, and unconfident.

Many older gay men sit on the sidelines watching the young 20 somethings in their speedos and wish that they could be there again. Guess what? You can. There is absolutely no reason you can’t look sexy in a speedo as an older gay man. In fact, you can look even better than you did in your 20s. This has been my story. I’m more fit and muscular in my early 50s than I was in my 20s! More on my story in a minute…

Here’s a better approach to looking sexy in a Speedo as a gay man

Do you know the secret myself and other gay men have learned about staying fit as we age?

Moderation. Enjoy all foods, but do so in a way that fits with your goals and unique body. No foods (in and of themselves) are bad, cause you to get fat, or should stir feelings of guilt or fear when you eat them.

What most people don’t realize is that moderation doesn’t come naturally, but it has to be practiced until it becomes a habit.

Practicing moderation involves first understanding how much food energy your unique body needs based on your stats, lifestyle, and activity level. Then it involves learning how much protein, carbs, and fat you should be eating for optimal health and fitness.

Once that is established small changes can be made to those above guidelines to lose fat, maintain, and/or build muscle.

This is a long-term approach, not a short-term one and it doesn’t end after the big gay event is over. Moderation is practiced until it becomes a habit. This is also known as intuitive eating.

Intuition isn’t something that you’re born with, contrary to popular belief. Dr. Brene Brown defines intuition as:

“Intuition is not a single way of knowing—it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty, and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason”

Intuition is “learned” and practicing moderation is how your brain learns to eat the right amount of all foods intuitively, even carbs!  Thus ending the lose, gain, lose, gain cycles for good.

As a gay mean, you’ll be able to enjoy social events, eat all foods that your host may serve, and feel confident and sexy no matter what your age.

How good would that feel?

I’d love to help you feel confident in a speedo and be the healthiest version of yourself by teaching you about the proper nutritional balance for your unique body. No more extreme dieting, only methods that are kind to your body and soul.

Head over to my macro coaching page and apply to work with me. I want to show you the path to dietary freedom as a gay man and you can look sexy as F*** in a speedo too!

Be your best!

-Coach Ted

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